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“Impostor Syndrome” is a phenomenon that is getting a lot of attention these days. A quick internet search defines impostor syndrome as “a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success” (Thank you Merriam-Webster).
This happens all of the time with people.
Remember your first “real” job, as you couldn’t believe that you were the one people were looking to for answers?
New parents of all generations ponder, “I can’t believe the hospital let us take home a real live human being with us to care for!”
Or here is one more familiar example for us in the church. Remember the fear induced when someone asked you to be a Sunday School teacher, and to teach children Bible stories?!
We all experience some sort of impostor syndrome from time to time. I remember the first time I put on a clergy robe and led a worship service. “Do these people know how much I don’t know about the Bible and Christianity?
And the self-doubts can become even more personal and sensitive as well:
“Do these people know how much I’ve messed up in life? How many doubts I have about my own faith? How I have disappointed and even hurt people before? They want me to be their pastor?”
Yes, we all have doubts about our own abilities and talents, our personalities, and even our human self-worth.
Child rearing books and psychology practices over the past half century have attempted to address these issues of negative self-identity by promoting positive reinforcement, affirmations, and encouragement. Parents and teachers sought to inspire students by telling us that “You can do anything you set your mind to.”
And this is all well and good,
but for some reason, children and adults have continued to display behaviors of low self-esteem and negative imaging from other areas of life.
In recent years, it seems that the landscape of critique and judgment has evolved yet again.
Now many young people (and even adults) acknowledge that the internet and social media has become a cesspool of negative reinforcement, whether it is on-line bullying, body shaming, racism, sexism, homophobia, or any other prejudice, polarized language, and hate speech you wish to describe.
And let’s just be honest with ourselves as church-going Christians as well. A vast number of people today tell me time and time again how they were recipients of judgment, shame, and even abuse at the hands of churches and church members over the years—we are not exempt from culpability.
So where do we go from here?
What is our message for individuals today wrestling with the present-day realities of impostor syndrome, poor self-esteem, or negative self-image?
What good news do we have to share with so many who are hurting today? Who do not feel that they are worthy enough?
I’d like for us to continue to reflect on encountering the risen Jesus in our lives today, as we reflect on Matthew’s account of the resurrection, and as we ponder what our message as Christians might be for those who suffer in today’s world, including ourselves, from impostor syndrome and doubt.
Let’s get to the text once again.
We are reading today from Matthew chapter 28, as the resurrected Jesus meets his disciples on the mountaintop in Galilee.
There are just a brief four verses today, but a lot happens in these few lines of scripture.
Mountains were special places for the people; mountains still are special to us today. They are places where special things happen; we such events “mountaintop experiences” for a reason. The Jewish people (and most religions for that matter) have a history of encountering the holy on the mountaintop.
Abraham, Moses, and Elijah experienced God on the mountain.
The disciples, likewise, experienced God’s presence on the mountaintop with the transfiguration of Jesus. And so now it is appropriate for the disciples to once again encounter Jesus on the mountain, perhaps the same mountain in Galilee where Jesus shared his sermon on the mount, found in the earlier chapters of Matthew.
It’s interesting to note in verse 17 that the disciples worshiped Jesus on the mountain, and yet “…some doubted.” As we mentioned before, there is more to this idea of “doubting” than what first meets the eye.
I wonder what was going through the heads of the disciples at this time. Were they doubting the resurrection of Jesus? After all, there he was, right before their very eyes! Was it really him?
Or were they doubting other things…maybe themselves? Did they have doubts about considering themselves disciples after all that Jesus had gone through?
Did they have doubts about their abilities moving forward? Did they consider themselves worthy to even be there in that moment?
And what is Jesus’s response to such doubt?
Jesus tells them to make disciples of all nations in verse 19. The good news of the resurrection is not to be held in secret among the faithful few, but it is meant to be news of liberation and new life for all who hear it, for the Jewish people and all who seek liberation and salvation. This is revolutionary stuff for the disciples to hear and conceptualize!
It’s here also in verse 19 where they are instructed to baptize in the name of the trinitarian formula: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We use this same formula today as we baptize, proclaiming God’s covenant with us as the church.
In verse 20 the disciples themselves are empowered to teach in the name of Jesus; the students are now compelled to become the teachers…
And it is also here in verse 20 where Jesus leaves the disciples…and us as contemporary disciples, with words of assurance and comfort,
“And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)
Friends, the good news today: the risen Jesus says, “Remember who you are. You are God’s children. You are enough.”
Funny as it may seem, you know one of the first things I think about when reading this passage? I think of the Lion King. These are the encouraging words that Mufasa leaves with young Simba, as Simba wrestles with his own identity and self-worth following his father Mufasa’s death.
I think that’s what Jesus was telling his disciples as well back some 2,000 years ago, and I think this is what we need to hear as present-day disciples, with all of our doubts and reservations.
Remember who you are! You are the beloved children of God! You are created in God’s own image! The very presence of the divine is within you! You are enough!
Sisters and brothers, we have been equipped to share the good news of new life and resurrection with the world!
Yes, we may have doubts about our own abilities, but God has been preparing us throughout our lives of faith. Remember the words of the Psalmist,
For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed. (Psalm 139:13-16)
As we have learned throughout our lives, we learn from doing. And for many of us, we have been doing this Christian thing for a long time now! We are specialized agents, uniquely equipped to share the good news, not because of our theological knowledge or our pious living, but because of our imperfect, messy lives…and our experiences of God’s grace in the midst of all of it!
We are to teach what Jesus has commanded us. And those commandments to love God and to love our neighbor are still as applicable in today’s world as it was back then.
And just as last week we discussed how God’s grace is present in the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper, today we are reminded that Christ is present in the sacrament of Baptism as well.
God’s revealed kingdom is not something that is stagnant; that is frozen in time. No, the very kingdom of God is alive, it is organic, it is ever-evolving.
And we are part of it all. We are God’s beloved, continually being shaped into the image of our creator!
This is what we celebrate today as we recount the commissioning of the disciples.
Despite our impostor syndrome of living as faithful Christians, Jesus reminds us of who we are, as we are sent out to share this good news with the world.
We celebrate God who knows us intimately, and who promises to love us forever in grace and mercy.
We celebrate the risen Jesus, who reminds us that we are enough, and that we are ready to share the good news.
Jesus says, “I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)
We celebrate the very Spirit of God, continuing to move within us and throughout our lives,
the very presence of the holy within us,
so that our daily living may serve as a witness to new life and resurrection each and every day of our lives!
Rev. Dr. Jeff Binder 